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I hear the term hormone balance in reference to perimenopause and menopause a lot and I want to say this NOW so that it's completely clear: that term is complete bullsh*t. There are many, MANY coaches, fitness experts and supplement companies (the WORST offenders) who claim that this is a thing and they can solve all of your problems with one system or pill. Whelp. I'm here to tell you that it's a marketing term. It's not real. Save your money and don't believe the hype. First and foremost, this is a journey and there is no one-size-fits-all approach and secondly, that term just irks me! THREE THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE TERM, "HORMONE BALANCE" It sets an expectation that isn't achievable. Also, it's triggering. I mean, aren't we doing enough trying to balance career, family, and all of the obligations that come with being a middle-aged human with responsibilities? The word balance literally means even distribution and all hormones (reproductive or otherwise) are not evenly distributed! They fluctuate. While there are lots of herbal allies (adaptogens for example) that can assist in relieving symptoms, a lot of supplement companies claiming to solve your hormone imbalance in one pill are (frankly) getting high on their own farts. Don't let them steal your money. Often these one-stop-shop pills don't even have the required dosage of each ingredient to make any difference. Furthermore, they don't have the 3rd party testing required to prove their efficacy. Zeroing in on the specific supplements that work for you and then buying them from reputable companies, in the right dosage, is important. Best to consult your doctor first. I'd like to suggest that what we are really trying to achieve within our body is harmony: a consistent, orderly, or pleasing arrangement of parts; congruity -- which involves more than just our hormones, and doesn't it feel and sound better than the term balance?

They say to never be good at the job you don't want. Being an executive and personal assistant always came naturally to me, but I didn't mean to spend the last 20 years doing it. I turn 47 on Saturday and I'm finally getting out. Leaving a six figure salary and all of the security that comes with it to become a health and wellness coach isn't easy at any age, but being almost 50? Blowing up my life feels incredibly irresponsible and yet, I couldn't be more excited...and absolutely terrified. If you listen to me on Circling the Drain Podcast or have read my About page, then you know my origin story. I'm a firm believer in midlife self-actualization but I'm only HUMAN and I'm terrified of failure just like everyone else. So. I have to put myself in the client's seat and coach myself just like I would any client making a big change. I always start by asking the following questions: Why is this change so important? What does failure look like? What does success look like? What happens if you don't make this change? Somewhere in these answers lie our deepest motivations and forces us to imagine the worst and best possibilities which can really help dispel fear. After all, fear of the unknown is usually the largest barrier to change. With that, I'd say the MOST important question here is, "What does failure look like?" Let's unpack that a bit. What is failure exactly? In life, failure around big change or big leaps of faith is not as simple as pass or fail. Take Elizabeth Holmes for example (if you haven't watched The Dropout, I recommend it). She had every opportunity to make better decisions, listen to helpful feedback or even PIVOT, but she didn't. There were many steps taken, warnings ignored and carnage in her wake before she "failed." Failure isn't as black and white as jumping off a cliff. While it may feel like an endpoint, I would argue that within failure there is always opportunity. Serial entrepreneurs are called that for a reason; it often takes several tries before they succeed and I think most would not view previous endeavors as failures. Trusting that you are smart enough and wise enough to make good decisions along the way and pivot if necessary is key in making big life changes. Gay Hendricks does an excellent job of illustrating this point and elaborating on so much more in his book The Big Leap. Now that I've written this blog, it's time for me to take my own advice. What big leap are you dying to take? What is holding you back?

Recently, a friend of mine had free, fancy Madison Square Garden suite tickets to Florence + The Machine and while I don't normally like big venue concerts, my husband and I said, "Why not?" This was one of the best performances I've seen in years. The show had some real pagan ritual vibes, where Florence blessed the fans with her expansive, unfaltering voice and they howled at the moon, grabbed the hand of the person next to them (mostly women) and DANCED. Unabashed. Unafraid. Untethered. There was a time not so long ago where women celebrated each transition in life with a ritual: birth, menstruation, menopause and death. These rituals made the road ahead less scary and less bumpy. When the moment came for Florence to sing the song June, I was disappointed to be in that fancy box in the sky. I wanted to be in the crowd, swaying, flowers in my hair, linking arms with the women around me singing: In those heavy days in June When love became an act of defiance Hold onto each other Hold onto each other Hold onto each other Hold onto each other What does ritual mean to you?

It's been a journey, am I right? I think we all know that this is about more than hot flashes and a dry vagina. What I didn't know, is that there are SO many other symptoms, some of which I never connected to perimenopause. Here are my top five. 1) Odor Listen. I've always been a sweater and I've always smelled after working out but this is a whole new level. My armpits are basically impervious to deodorant and I have tried them ALL. Why is this happening? Supposedly it's the cause of our sweat. Unlike sweat resulting from hot temperatures or exercise, anxiety or stress sweat is different and apparently, we've got more anxiety in our perimenopausal years. No surprise there. Sweat itself is odorless, but when it combines with bacteria on your skin things start to get smelly. Anxiety sweat is produced by the apocrine glands, found in your armpit and groin areas, and it’s a fatty sweat that bacteria love. I know. Gross. What can you do? Always have wipes and deodorant with you so you can clean your pits and then re-apply. As if you don't already have enough sh*t in your purse. 2) Tinitus I've always had a mild ringing in my ears, but dang! In the past year it's gotten to the point where I can't sleep without some kind of white noise. Why is this happening? It’s not known exactly why women can experience tinnitus as part of their symptoms of perimenopause. You're welcome. What can you do? The right dose of MHT (Menopause Hormone Therapy) can often improve tinnitus, as can reducing stress levels and relaxing. Also, listening to soft music or sound therapy - AKA white noise -to help take your mind off it. 3) Dry Eyes I used to wear my contacts everyday, but now I find them unbearable and even when I'm not wearing them, I have to have drops with me at all times. Staring at a screen all day doesn't help either. Does any of this sound familiar? Why is this happening? You guessed it. A drop in hormone levels. Sex hormones – estrogens and androgens – influence production of all components of the tear film including aqueous layer, lipid, and mucin. Various mechanisms such as a decrease in hormonal levels, shift feedback mechanisms, changing receptivity interplay and altering the ocular surface balance which can result in DED (Dry Eye Disease). What can you do? Again, MHT is a great choice. Otherwise, eyedrops which you can put next to the wipes and deodorant already crowding your purse. 4) Brain Fog What was I just writing? Oh' yeah. About 5 years ago I was at a gas station getting my car filled up (in Jersey you can't pump your own gas). The attendant took my credit card and asked me for my zip code. I couldn't remember it. Not one single number. I had to text my husband for it! I refer to these moments as "derping." So embarrassing. Why is this happening? Scientists believe it has something to do with hormone changes. Estrogen, progesterone, FSH (follicle stimulating hormone), and luteinizing hormone are all responsible for different processes in the body, including cognition. What can you do? Firstly, make sure you're eating an anti-inflammatory diet. Secondly, make sure you're getting enough sleep and exercise. Thirdly, adapt - and by that I mean, make lists, set alarms and let the people around you know that this is a real thing you are dealing with. Lastly, give yourself GRACE. This is a tough one to manage. Be kind to yourself. 5) Rage Where do I begin with this one? Just before the pandemic, I was sitting at my computer having a small melt-down because I sent a sensitive email to the wrong person (brain fog) and I was intently trying to figure out how to fix it. An executive, who I'm normally very friendly with, came into my office and asked a trivial question to which I replied, "Not now!" He continued to talk as my face got hot and red and I screamed, "NOT NOW!" In that moment, I didn't feel like I had the space to respond. Instead, I was all reaction. I apologized to the executive the next day. Why is this happening? Perimenopause-induced rage may feel significantly different than your typical anger or frustration. If you've had this experience, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Estrogen affects the production of serotonin. Serotonin is a mood regulator and happiness booster. As your estrogen levels are declining over time, your estrogen-serotonin balance may be thrown off as levels slowly get lower. What can you do? Yup. MHT can help. Also, identifying triggers so that you can create protocols for those moments. Relaxation techniques and meditation along with exercise can be incredibly helpful as well. However, if you do have a ragey moment (you will because nobody's perfect) apologize and explain the why to the recipient of your rage. People can be very understanding when they have all of the information. Then, forgive yourself and remember tomorrow is a new day. If any of this resonates with you, tell me your stories! What tools do you use to manage these symptoms?

My husband and I were married in 2017 at the Tuthilltown Distillery, home of Hudson Baby Bourbon. We were what you might call bourbon enthusiasts so it was the perfect place for our wedding. However, over the years I've come to the conclusion that drinking doesn't really suit me anymore because it generally makes me feel like sh*t. So, my husband has mostly been left to imbibe on his own. Despite this, we decided to do the Kentucky Bourbon Trail for our 5-year wedding anniversary this past June. I knew going into it that I was going to drink ALL of the bourbon and eat ALL of the gluten (despite my gluten sensitivity) and with that in mind, there would be a tax to pay when it was over. We all pay tax and not just to the IRS but in our relationships and the way we treat our bodies. I drank tons of delicious bourbon and ate the sh*t out of some cornbread, biscuits and fried chicken. It took me about two weeks to fully recover from this abuse, but it was a small payment for the fun and unforgettable memories I made with my husband. Was the tax I paid worth it? Absolutely. What tax do you pay? Should you be paying it at all and is it worth it?