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Almost one year to the date, I had ACL reconstruction surgery on my left knee.  It has been one of my life's most challenging and harrowing experiences. I started skiing and snowboarding at 36 and have struggled with confidence from the beginning. I didn’t have the blessing of learning this daring and somewhat dangerous hobby at a young age - when you have no fear of bodily harm and can absorb new skills like a dry sponge.  Still, I’d been working at it, and at the age of 47, I felt like I was finally learning to control my fear and felt more self-assured about this sport that I had grown to love. On the day of my injury (our first day on the mountain), I felt GREAT!  My husband and I were on our fourth or fifth run of the day; the weather was decent and improving by the minute.  Tahoe had unprecedented snow that season, so the conditions were perfect.  I was skiing with speed and confidence and TRUSTED in myself and my skills. Up to this point, I had spent a lot of time feeling embarrassed that I wasn’t good enough or fast enough.  This had a lot to do with the fact that I was always skiing in groups of people who had been doing this since they were teenagers.  While this was a story I was telling myself and certainly not how my friends felt about my abilities, these self-destructive untruths can really f*ck  with your head, which is why this day was so significant.  I was finally feeling like I was good enough! Yet, sh*t happens (usually at the best of times), and that’s precisely what happened to me! I was approaching the last stretch at the bottom of the mountain, not far from the ski lift, when I hit a thick patch of snow.  One ski went left, one ski went right, and neither popped off, but I did hear a popping sound in my left knee, followed by a tremendous amount of pain.  I sat in the snow and took a moment. As a Pilates instructor, I'm trained to assess bodies and work with all sorts of injuries and physical challenges. In turn, when I hurt myself, the first thing that my brain does is assess. I thought I might be fine for a split second since the pain had subsided completely, but as soon as I tried to stand and couldn’t stabilize my knee, I knew I was in trouble. It was like standing on a wet noodle.  That was when I understood the gravity of the situation and that it would likely lead to surgery, rehab, and probably a year+ of recovery. I also saw every plan and goal I had set (including leaving my job) flash before my eyes, followed by the devastation of knowing that it would ALL have to be put on hold or (at the very least) delayed. A trip to the emergency room would confirm my suspicions, and while I do love being right, I took no pleasure in being correct about this!  Once I got back to New Jersey, confirmed my ACL rupture, and scheduled my reconstruction surgery, things went as expected in that I began “prehab” (prehab addresses physical fitness, nutrition, lifestyle, as well as psychological barriers to healing after surgery). What I didn’t expect and, therefore, didn’t prepare for was the shame and existential struggle that would follow. I recently started reading Dare to Lead by Brené Brown as part of a book club run by Erin’s Faces (if you are not familiar with her clean beauty products, check them out here).  Brené spends an entire section of the book dissecting the concepts of shame and embarrassment and its underlying causes. If you’ve read Brené Brown, you know she is a master at demonstrating her point through storytelling.  In this case, she delves into the time she recorded the audio for her book Braving the Wilderness, where she essentially knocks herself unconscious after walking into a pane of glass in the recording studio.  This leads to a series of discoveries around her resistance to accepting help from others and accepting her limitations, particularly when recovering from a severe injury.  All of which were (you guessed it) grounded in SHAME. I’m no Brené Brown, but given she is a highly successful and intelligent human who managed to knock herself the f*ck out, and this incident propelled her into unpacking her own embarrassment and shame, I realized I, too, had some work to do around my injury as well. Like Brené, I grew up in an Eastern European household where stoicism was celebrated, injury and illness were met with a “shake it off” attitude, and few excuses were acceptable for not meeting your obligations. While some of this can be attributed to my German/Polish heritage (let’s be honest), a lot of it has to do with being a latchkey GenX kid of the 1980s. Raise your hand if you relate. 🙋🏼‍♀️ It was a difficult pill to swallow when faced with the reality that I would not be able to walk for weeks. And even when I could walk with a brace, it would not be for any sustained amount of time for MONTHS.  It meant I would have to relinquish specific responsibilities to my husband and others. I felt these obligations were my JOB or at least jobs I shared with my husband, like grocery shopping, general house cleanup, cooking, and walking our dogs. Then, there was taking care of ME. I needed help in and out of the shower, cleaning my wound, and changing the dressing. I couldn’t do anything that required standing, like cooking or making the bed. Even though none of this was my fault, I was deeply ashamed of needing help. I was also embarrassed that I injured myself skiing, as I felt this was a reflection of me being a “bad” skier. To further complicate things, I had given notice at work in late 2022 and agreed to stay until we found my replacement.  This had been dragging on for MONTHS into 2023, and with Spring in the air, I decided I would give a firm exit date once I returned from my trip.  It took courage to arrive at this decision and confidence that my husband and I were financially stable enough to live on one income while I continued to build my business and finish the HUNDREDS of hours I still had left in my Pilates certification.  I was excited and hopeful about this change! However, with expensive surgery and rehab ahead of me, I now needed my fancy health insurance, salary, and flexibility to work from home. I’d have to put off leaving even longer.  That hopefulness and excitement were gone, and I was left feeling deflated, reclusive, and depressed. That’s when the intrusive thoughts started. “You idiot, you picked up skiing at 36, and over ten years later, you still don’t know what you’re doing.  You’re so f*cking stupid; why did you think you could do this at your age?  Now, look what you’ve done to yourself.  The whole world is against you, and your husband will resent you for the rest of his life.” Where did this all stem from? According to Brené Brown, it’s shame. She describes shame as “...the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.” She was right. Having been in a generally destructive, unhealthy romantic relationship for about eight years (before I met my husband), I did not trust that my partner loved me enough to want to care for me. I had been conditioned to believe that every kindness from my person came with some sort of price—because I was undeserving of love. I believed any expression of need was seen as an inconvenience or weakness. While I had done a lot of work (and therapy) to reframe negative self-talk, it’s often at our lowest that maladaptive thoughts and behavior rear their ugly head.  I was no exception. There were several instances where I was moving too quickly in my recovery when my body wasn’t ready, like forcing myself to go back to the office in the city and reassuring everyone that I could take public transportation, limping my way between train connections and up and down stairs. I insisted that I walk the dogs when I could hardly walk myself, moving at a glacial pace, while worried that if one of my pups launched at a squirrel, I might hurt my knee or lose control of the leash, allowing my dog to run away, but I did it anyway. In fairness to my husband, he tried to talk me out of all of these things, but I wouldn’t listen. I think I’ve mentioned that I learn everything the hard way. It wasn’t until I flew home to Florida by myself for a funeral that I learned my lesson.  I was at JFK and did not realize that with my gate being number 1 and me eating my lunch by gate 52, I would have to walk the length of 52 gates.  Listen, I know this seems obvious, but JFK is traditionally a nightmare and has a layout that doesn't make much sense, and I rarely fly out of that airport for good reason. I had assumed there were shoot-offs with clusters of gates, but that was not the case. Not realizing this, I took my time walking to the gate, but as the airport hallway kept going and going (AND GOING) in a straight line, I began to realize it was going to take more time than expected and that my leg brace, suitcase and I were going to have to pick up the pace if I wanted to make my flight! After about 20 minutes of excruciating pain and hobbling, I made it as they started boarding.  Feeling unsure (and ashamed), I went to the gate attendant and asked if I was (gulp) allowed to board before anyone else - with the “people who need assistance” grouping.  She said of course!  Until that moment, I hadn’t considered myself disabled in any way or needing assistance, but duh – I was!  What was wrong with me?  Why didn’t I make better arrangements? When I got back from Florida, I made some changes. I dove into Pilates workshops and other continuing education for Health Coaching. As soon as I was mobile enough, I returned to the Pilates studio for my hours, reframing my shame and embarrassment around my accident as an opportunity to discuss Pilates for knee injuries. I even volunteered to be a client for other teachers looking to practice on someone with post-op knee surgery. I found ways to help around the house (for my own sake) while accepting the love and support I needed and deserved from my husband. I created some work boundaries at the office and shortened my hours; soon after, we found my replacement! Only now do I see how my destructive behavior was rooted in shame.  My shame around needing help and feeling undeserving of love and care. In her book, Brené ends her story by summarizing the year with, “...more hard things happened, more beautiful things happened…” Looking back, that’s exactly how the year unfolded for me.  I feel incredibly thankful for the privileges that I have had. Not everyone has access to health insurance that covers never-ending physical therapy or the ability and flexibility to work from home. I have learned to be more compassionate towards myself and have been lucky to receive endless love and support from countless friends, family, and even strangers while at my very lowest and, at times, (truly) behaving like an a**hole. If you are really in the sh*t right now, know you are not alone and deserve support and love. If I can believe that, so can you. ♥️ You are stronger than you think and full of surprises!

In 2016, I decided I would return to night school to pursue my MS in Nutrition and dietetics. Considering I had a BFA in Theatre for my undergraduate degree, this was a big ask because I was missing much of the prerequisites needed to qualify for a Masters’s program for that kind of degree. Still, I had just turned 40 and wanted something different for my career. So, I registered for Economics 101 at Hunter College and began my journey. After passing with a B, I registered for Statistics (Why oh why didn't I take that in undergrad instead of Computer Science?!), and about halfway through the semester, I got engaged and had a significant death in my family. At that time, I was full steam ahead, not knowing what was up and down, but LIFE forced me to stop and evaluate where I was going and what it would cost me (literally and existentially) to get there. My husband likes to remind me that I have to do everything the "hard way." I'm not offended by that comment because it's true. It has gotten me very comfortable with failure, making mistakes, and learning from them. I have no problem quitting something that isn't working. Getting comfortable with that is a practice—as in, you must cultivate comfortability with letting things go. That is a true growth mindset. But (and this is a BIG but), you must also recognize the difference between wanting to quit something because it's hard and quitting something because it no longer serves you or you’ve outgrown it. This is true of jobs, hobbies, and even relationships. The realization that pursuing my Master's would put me in tons of debt and take me FOREVER and that (when I ruminated on this) it just didn't make sense felt like such a relief! Instead of forcing myself to continue, I gave myself permission to walk away. I knew there was another path and needed a minute to decipher what that would be. I went about work as usual, supported my family during an unimaginable loss, mourned that loss, planned my wedding, got married, and COVID hit just a few years later. The pandemic was devastating, but it gave me a moment to pause and reflect. That's when I decided to get my Health Coaching certification and finish my Pilates apparatus training. It was hard, and I often felt like I would never get through it, but (to quote Glennon Doyle) we can do hard things! Quitting something that no longer aligns with your goals doesn't make you a "quitter." It shows that you won't settle for anything less than the best version of yourself.

So give them to yourself! Accomplishments in midlife differ from those in our twenties or even thirties. In the past year, I've found myself hitting some major milestones, starting with leaving my job, finishing a Harvard wellness certification program and finishing my Pilates equipment certification, a 2.5-year journey with over 300 hours of teaching and practice and many obstacles along the way. In two weeks, I will sit for and (fingers crossed) will pass the National Board of Health and Wellness Coaches board exam. These things are a big deal, right? So, why doesn't it feel like I should celebrate? Because I did it for myself and no one else, that's why. I know this isn't true for everyone; still, we tend to spend our early years doing what we think others think we should do, whether it's cultural norms or simply parents pressuring a kid to be a doctor and sending them to medical school when they want to study Art History. However, midlife can and should bring choices and the mental clarity to make good ones. As I've aged, I've found more agency to ask myself, "What do you really want, and how do you want to spend the rest of your life?" Then, when you achieve these major milestones, it can feel more like a natural progression of your goals vs. a major life event like when you graduated college and partied with your friends until the sun came up...because who has time for that kind of behavior now? Plus, I don't stay up past 10 pm, but I digress... Still, we deserve to feel accomplished, and we should celebrate, but celebration may look different than it did when we were younger. When I found out that I had passed my three-hour written Pilates exam, I was elated but still felt a little MEH, so I decided to take a moment and plan for how to celebrate anyway. I wanted to do something that I would truly enjoy, but that would also be easy. So, my husband and I went out to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner at 6 pm. (Don't judge me - there's nothing wrong with eating early and saving money!) I ordered the Prime Rib early bird special along with a glass of Mezcal on the rocks For me, this was perfect, and it was exactly what I wanted. My husband didn't suggest it or do it for me; I asked for what I wanted, and he was happy to oblige and he certainly made a toast to my success, BUT, I gave myself those flowers --- the flowers I wanted, and the flowers I wanted were meat and liquor. It got me thinking about that idea, though. The idea that yes, it's great to have others celebrate us and even with us, but what is more important, is making time to celebrate ourselves. So. What does that look like? If you've got the bandwidth and motivation to throw yourself a party, I say f*ck yeah! Good for you! In my case, it was dinner. Maybe in your case it is literal flowers - huzzah for that, but it could also be smaller things because God knows, we're all short on time and long on responsibilities. It could be taking 15 minutes to unsubscribe from annoying emails you've been meaning to get to but haven't found the time. Maybe it's unfollowing or blocking social media accounts that make you feel like your life is hot garbage. Perhaps it's playing hooky from work or asking your partner to get out of the house with the kid(s) all day so you can engage in some serious bed rotting and binge your favorite YA TV show on Netflix. Not that I know anything about bed rotting; that is a Gen Z thing, but I'm interested in trying it! THE POINT IS -whatever you've accomplished at this age, big or small, I hope you find a way to give yourself flowers - whether it's actual flowers, Mezcal and meat, bed rotting or mental floss, it's important to make it a priority. Midlife means celebrating yourself. You deserve it!

"20 minutes? Twice a day? I can’t even sit still for 20 seconds!" you might say. Artist, teacher, and coach Mark Price talks to us about finding stillness! About 20 years ago, I was at the peak of my career as a performer, having done 10 Broadway shows within 10 years, but I was also a hot mess. I burned myself out and was walking around with a mild case of PTSD after surviving two losses, which left me with a nasty habit of rehearsing disaster. Therapy helped, healers helped, and support groups helped, but I was dependent on all of them. There was a part of me that felt robbed of agency as a result of the swat team of healers I sought out. Fortunately, I had the privilege of great support, but I wanted more self-sufficient tools to help forge a path back to myself. Around that time, I had a friend who recommended a Vedic meditation course. Vedic meditation was designed for the “householder,” people with busy minds and active lives; you didn’t have to meditate for hours to experience the benefits. It’s a deceptively simple practice; as you effortlessly think a primordial sound or mantra, the body begins to rest, sometimes significantly deeper than regular sleep. As the body experiences that deep rest, it begins to neutralize the old legacy of stress recorded in cellular memory, which is the thing that allows us to perform better, cultivate present-moment awareness, and access more significant states of well-being. It also allows us to pull back the lens on our demands and decide which ones are worthy of our time and attention, our two most valuable assets. In this respect, meditation gives us back time by helping us prioritize our time and attention. When I learned that the benefits of practice were so prominent for me (less negative self-talk, greater capacity, lowered anxiety), I ultimately became a teacher. I also became a trauma-informed somatic facilitator, helping people address the body holistically. In retrospect, the thing that allowed me to sit for 20 minutes twice a day early on was the effortless nature of the practice, the non-directed focus style, and the change I noticed. But as I began working somatically, I began to see how working with the body helps clients build capacity for practices of stillness. Top-down processes like meditation, pranayama, or talk therapy can help to create capacity, perspective, and clarity. In contrast, bottom-up approaches (somatic facilitation) can help metabolize the effects of chronic stress and trauma. Working somatically helps expand the capacity to sit for meditation by building out that internal sense of safety. By utilizing both top-down and bottom-up approaches, we are giving the body and mind an equal place in an integrative and holistic process of healing. Nothing in our modern world tells us to slow down, to check in with the body, or to practice stillness, but there is excellent knowledge and wisdom when we do. This is why I tell students that meditation and somatic awareness are tools of disruption-helping us identify and interrupt themes and patterns that keep us overworked, distracted, and sick. When we meditate and notice what the body is experiencing, we are strengthening resiliency and empathy. We begin to see that our freedoms and liberation are directly tied to those around us, which enables us to interact with demands and situations versus react to them. If anything resonated with you from above, feel free to reach out and say hello. My interests and strengths lie at the intersection of meditation, somatics and social change to help others alchemize stress into expansion, wellness, and, ultimately, collective care. Mark discovered Vedic meditation after suffering from the effects of PTSD and performance anxiety. He found the effects to be so transformative that he embarked on a 2 year teacher training process which led to continued studies in trauma informed facilitation, somatic stress release, and social change work. He founded Alchemy Collective to help support others with their own healing journeys and to deepen the ways in which they can show up for each other. With his 13 years of experience as a teacher and performance coach, he developed programs such as Base Camp and The Wellness Project for creatives. He's taught across the country and led various corporate programs internationally. For more information visit: www.alchemycollective.org.

Here is what happened when I stopped taking it: I was miserable! I started FDA-approved testosterone (off-label for women) almost exactly a year ago with a previous doctor who had advised me to rub a significant drop of gel (once daily) on my thigh, switching from right to left because I would grow dark hair wherever I put it. The best way to mitigate that would be by changing legs instead of rubbing it on the same leg every day. My doctor wasn't wrong. Not only did I find dark patches of hair on my mostly fair-haired body, but I also started breaking out in the area, particularly on my left leg. It got to a point where it was truly embarrassing. I felt like a teenager with acne, except the acne was all over my legs! So, in August, when I had an appointment with a new medical provider, we tested my levels, and they were high. I wasn't surprised. So, I quit it cold turkey, figuring I'd take a little break from the stuff and see what happened. The positive was that the hair and acne disappeared in about a month, but the negative was that I WAS MISERABLE. The most immediate thing I noticed was a return of chronic and sometimes debilitating fatigue and brain fog. The second was persistent joint pain, particularly in my knees. The third was general inflammation - this is hard to describe, but for my auto-immune disorder people, you know what I'm talking about. However, I thought it was important to leave it until my follow-up appointment to see where my levels were, so I set my mind to tough it out. This is where it gets tricky. Early November arrived, and I went in for my appointment and blood draw. My provider messaged me in the portal and said that everything was normal, yet my free testosterone was low and out of range, and my Sex Hormone Binding Globulin (SHBG) was high and out of range. What does that mean? If your SHBG levels are too high, it likely means that less of your total testosterone is free testosterone and available for your tissues to use. In short, your tissues may not be getting enough testosterone. What can this result in? Decreased libido. Lack of motivation. Irregular periods. Vaginal dryness. Decreased bone mass. Memory loss. Fatigue. Mood changes and depression. I checked all these boxes, yet my provider told me everything was normal. Now. I like this person. A lot. She is very forward-thinking and works in a department specializing in menopause care. However, the topic of testosterone is where we disagree. She doesn't prescribe it for reasons I'm still unclear about. Luckily, I purchased my testosterone in bulk (it was cheaper that way), so I still have quite a bit from seeing my previous doctor. I began using it again immediately after getting my blood results (but using a smaller amount), and I felt the difference within two weeks. The first thing that lifted was the brain fog and fatigue, and then, slowly but surely, I began to feel BETTER. I feel more like myself again. Only recently, testosterone has been approved for the treatment of low libido (though not covered by most insurance because the FDA doesn't give a sh*t about your sex drive), and yes, that's how I got it prescribed. Still, I was more interested in its lesser-studied effects, as indicated in this PUBMED article here, including increased muscle mass, bone density, cognitive performance, and decreased inflammation. These are all things I experience when I'm using it. So...why isn't this acknowledged, and why isn't it included in the gold standard of care that is Menopause Hormone Therapy? Because studies take FOREVER, and the world is run mainly by male doctors, researchers, and scientists. Only recently, somebody started giving a f*ck about our libido, and it will take years for any solid research to come out regarding the other positive effects that may come with using testosterone. The good news is that there are some forward-thinking doctors out there shouting to the world about the positive effects of its use, like Dr. Mary Claire Haver, and if you don't follow her on Instagram, I strongly recommend that you do. With that, if you're interested in giving testosterone a try (there is also evidence that it can help with Cronic Fatigue Syndrome and fibromyalgia), it's essential to gather all of the information you can before speaking to your provider. What's more, finding a doctor who is receptive to your request is important but challenging. A great place to start is at NAMS (the North American Menopause Society), though it's not always guaranteed that every menopause specialist will prescribe testosterone. Lastly, working with someone like me can help. I provide resources and knowledge around these issues; we discuss them in-depth so you feel armed and empowered to advocate for yourself. I can also help you search for the right medical provider, which can be an arduous and daunting task. To schedule a 1:1 free introductory session, you can do so here.

Celebrity trainer and group fitness instructor Cheri Paige Fogleman tells us how to stay motivated! "Motivation for exercise" is that elusive magic potion that sexy-fit-Instagrammers seem to all have, and mere mortals wish they had the recipe for. Now YOU do. Instead of “motivation,” I prefer the term “commitment.” Motivation is just so fleeting. The goal is to understand how to develop an ongoing relationship with exercise. So, commit. Commit to walking yourself, as you commit to walking the dog (or watering the plant, or calling your mom, or reading to your kid each day, etc.). Now, what are you committing to, exactly? Commit to providing yourself, daily, with some instant gratification. Wait. Wha?!? Instant gratification? For a long-term relationship with exercise? Yes. Flip your thinking— from long-term results to instant gratification. Take a moment and brainstorm all the immediate results you feel from working out. I’ve created a list, and yours might be a bit different. But here are some of my ideas: Feeling more awake Feeling more alert Feeling more empowered Better range of motion Feeling more hopeful/mood boost Feeling warmer Better feeling joints Stress relief Better balance We live in such an instant gratification world that it's nearly impossible to stay motivated when only focusing on long-term results (like weight loss or stronger bones). When I’m sitting on the edge of not wanting to exercise, I remind myself of just how much I’m gaining from only 20-30 minutes of mindful movement. A short workout still has a LOT of return on investment when looking at the instant results. Try focusing on the quick results and know that we don’t only get just one of these immediate results when we work out— we get ALL of them each and EVERY TIME we exercise. What kind of mindful movement, exactly? Think of a gentle jog, bike ride, cardio kickboxing YouTube video, yoga class, Pilates class, or a strength training session (with greater results from longer bouts of movement). The more you focus on the immediate results of exercise, the more likely you are to come back tomorrow for more because to achieve long-term results, consistency is KEY. The more regular you are with exercise, the more likely you are to see those longer-term goals, like: Increased strength/bigger muscles Stronger bones Healthier skin Better sleep (for some folks, this can be a more immediate result) Weight loss Better endurance Stronger immune system Improved cardiovascular health Something to note here: These instant results of exercise are more about how things feel in your mind, body, and soul, while the longer-term results are more about how things look and the physical and biological measurements of things. Stay committed to your workouts not by looking in the mirror or weighing yourself but instead by stopping and taking note of how things feel before and after a workout. Key Takeaways: Commit to yourself instead of looking for motivation Focus on the immediate results of exercise Let the instant results call you back for more of the same tomorrow and the day after because consistency is key to longer-term change Cheri Paige Fogleman is a celebrity trainer and group fitness instructor whose career has spanned over two decades. She breathes life into cardio-sculpt, flexibility, and core classes. Cheri’s specialty is helping fitness newbies (and those returning!) live longer, stronger, and more fulfilling lives. Among other certifications, she’s pre/postnatal certified and a certified run coach through RRCA. She was one of the first trainers in the world to teach live workouts online through Daily Burn 365, and her audio running podcasts are also available on Daily Burn. https://www.bodybycheri.com/

With Fall approaching, I began to get an itch. An itch to tear my entire house apart, reorganize, and donate things that do not bring me joy. Given my last day at my corporate day job was approaching, it seemed like a bad idea as I needed to focus my energy on booking clients, but it was uncontrollable. As a human with ADHD, I find it difficult to focus and get work done when I don't have a clean workspace, and given I'm now working so much from home, my entire house has become my workspace. I had spent the last year or so (basically) working three jobs, and my home had officially devolved into a disorganized mess. I began to feel I couldn't do anything else until this was resolved. I was paralyzed. "Clutter isn’t just the stuff on the floor. It’s anything that gets between you and the life you want to be living” - Peter Walsh Officially moving into teaching and coaching full-time, I was finally doing what I wanted to do. Still, the idea of being unable to reach a pan under the counter because there was unnecessary sh*t in the way made me batty. It was like the final step in living my best life. It had to be done. But why was I feeling this way? When I tell you it was uncontrollable, I'm not being hyperbolic. As it turns out, there is a logical explanation and it has everything to do with our mental health. According to a study by Princeton University, researchers discovered that our environment can positively or negatively impact our ability to complete tasks and overall mental health. If the physical space around us feels scattered, our mental space will likely feel the same. A study by the University of Connecticut found that by removing or controlling clutter, we can directly reduce the stress that stems from the mess, which can help us to feel happier, less anxious, and more confident in ourselves. Decluttering can also lead to the following mental health benefits: Boost your mood and help improve your physical health. Completing physical activity while organizing can enhance creativity by allowing the mind to wander. Letting our mind go a little as we manage our clutter can help us relax mentally while our body stays active. Combining the two can boost our mood because we feel less stressed about what once was clutter, and we feel accomplished after seeing the progress! Sharpen your focus. Clutter is very messy and chaotic, so it is no wonder we can struggle to focus. When your space is de-cluttered, it is much easier to obtain a sharper focus because what you see is in a specific place. The sense of organization helps your mind to be on track to complete tasks. Energize you into productivity mode. When you are decluttering, you are problem-solving and getting things done. You gain energy from the visual accomplishments of decluttering. Your accumulated energy can also help tackle other items on your to-do list! Relieve anxiety. When things are not organized or clean, it can bring fear. You may feel constantly stressed, worried, or afraid of more clutter accumulating. To allow our minds to find peace, decluttering can lift that weight and help us think clearly and feel calmer. According to Psychology Today, It is estimated that 1 to 2 million people in North America are living with so much clutter that they can barely walk through their homes or find a place to sit or a surface to rest a plate. Although it is not classified as a separate disorder in the most recent version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV), compulsive hoarding is a debilitating condition that can destroy relationships and tear families apart. In my case, it was the physical clutter of my home, but clutter can include everything from the mess in your kitchen cabinets to the digital clutter of unanswered emails and texts. Chaos can lead to a feeling of overwhelm and paralysis and, as I found out, is directly linked to past trauma. You can learn more here if you'd like to open that can of worms. I've nearly finished my decluttering journey, and I can tell you I have much less anxiety and MORE focus. The relationship between clutter and anxiety is something that many people struggle with. Could clutter be standing in your way or causing (what I like to call) background anxiety? If you're someone who finds yourself constantly battling clutter, it might be time to take a closer look at how it's affecting your mental health. By prioritizing organization and minimizing unnecessary belongings, you can create a space that promotes calm and clarity. You can try these steps laid out by The Queen Bee herself, Marie Kondo, here. Let me know what you discover!

This is a follow-up to my June 5, 2023, post about the relationship between ADHD and menopause. If you haven't already, you can read it here. This journey started when I asked myself, "Do I have ADHD, or is it perimenopause?" The answer is that it's a bit of both. In mid-June, I got an appointment with a highly recommended psychiatrist who takes insurance (I know -- a miracle!) and received an official diagnosis of ADHD. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was pretty confident I'd dealt with this since childhood. Still, it wasn't until I hit perimenopause that the symptoms were exacerbated, and I was forced to pay closer attention. With ADHD being underdiagnosed in young girls, this is the story of many adult women. Suddenly, so many strange behaviors over the years made sense, like my ability to have singular hyperfocus on a task yet procrastinate uncontrollably on others, speaking a million miles an hour, unable to let others get a word in, yet I can employ active listening in my coaching. My ability to have a rockstar-level executive function as an administrative assistant, but I experience time-blindness in my personal life. ADHD is contradictory. This much I have learned. It's such a relief to know there is a reason for the madness, but it's still a struggle. So, what steps have I taken to make it more manageable? Medication isn't for everyone, but I wanted to try it. This was particularly important to me because it's (believe it or not) the surest way to confirm the diagnosis. When you start an ADHD medication, it will either help with focus immediately or make you feel um...unhinged. In other words, if the meds work, you have ADHD; if you feel like you're going to have a panic attack, you don't have ADHD. Pretty simple. I started a low-dose prescription of Vyvanse, and fortunately, it was not the latter. It was a keeper. What do I like about it? Unlike Adderall, it's the timing of the time-release -- Vyvanse provides 10 to 12 hours of symptom control and takes up to one hour before it first takes effect. In comparison, Adderall can last for 10 hours, but the immediate-release formulation only lasts six hours, causing most patients to take an additional mid-afternoon dose. With that, on Vyvanse, you're less likely to crash, and (most importantly) it's less likely to f*ck with your sleep schedule because you're not double-dosing. I'm not thrilled with the idea of taking medication, but the good news is that I don't have to take it every day. For example, I didn't take it on vacation last month, and I don't take it on most weekends. This ability to skip doses also makes it more productive long-term - a genuine concern because as time passes, you can plateau with the dosage, forcing you to take more to get the same results. I want to avoid this. "How about lifestyle, Julia," you might be thinking to yourself. Yes, I changed my lifestyle in addition to taking meds. Firstly, I added additional morning workouts because I feel more focused and energized when I exercise in the morning; if you want to know more about the science of that, you can listen to CTD season three, episode 56, with Dr. Wendy Suzuki here. I started using the Task List feature in the Evernote app and incorporated deadlines with alarms to help me organize my scattered noggin. When having a particularly disordered brain day, I can go to my list and tell myself, "You have X things due by X day. Choose one of these three things on the list and START." I find that's the hardest thing. I often feel so overwhelmed by my to-do list that I don't know where to begin. Parsing my list out into sections by the due date helps with that feeling of being overwhelmed because I can see exactly where I need to start. Another thing I began using is the super, basic iPhone alarm. If I have a busy day, I program my entire schedule into my alarm app. I set each notice to go off at least 15 minutes before the actual task, meeting, or whatever! For example, I set an alarm for 30 minutes before leaving for Physical Therapy and 15 minutes before a podcast interview. This has done WONDERS for my time blindness. Lastly, and most importantly, I've given myself grace. I know it's corny, but I've spent countless minutes, hours, and even days beating myself up for missing an appointment or not remembering an evident and essential detail about something like my dad's birthday. I've been cruel and unforgiving of myself when I would never treat a person I cared about that way.I'm happy that I now better understand what's going on in my head. As I've said before, naming the thing is everything. If you are the slightest bit sus about having ADHD, it's crucial to get a diagnosis. We have SO much coming at us as mid-life women, and it can be empowering to know what the heck is what. Only then can you take the steps to manage it.

Hilary Russo talks to us about the power of Havening! Your amygdala loves to freak out. She does. Yes, it is a she. I’ve met her, and her name is “Amy.” In the Havening world, we call her that because she is many things. Amy is a warrior who wants to stand up for herself. But she is also a scared child that needs protection. And whatever the situation, when Amy feels threatened, she must be reminded of something important. All is well, and you are safe here, in your haven. Enter: Havening Techniques. This neuroscience-based approach uses touch and pleasant distraction to rapidly alter your thoughts, moods, behaviors, and habits (within minutes, really) and permanently. What happens next is like “CPR for the Amygdala®.” Your brain releases the happy chemicals, including oxytocin (love hormone), serotonin, dopamine, and GABA, and then enters a Delta Wave sleep state. Trying to find the calm in the chaos is like hitting a traffic light that’s red and putting the pedal to the metal as if it were green. You just can’t do both at the same time, and the outcome likely won’t work in your favor. You need to self-regulate and find that sweet spot where you’re in the parasympathetic nervous system. And that’s where Havening can be helpful for everyday upsets like stress, anxiety, lack of focus, and sleep to deep-rooted traumas (when working with a certified practitioner) like PTSD, panic attacks, addictions, grief, and fears. There really is no downside to how this beautiful modality can set you free and help you find your clarity, confidence, and calm. It’s also a wonderful (SEL) social and emotional learning tool for children at any stage. The best part of this approach is that you can self-apply to self-soothe for self-care with Self-Havening when it comes to life’s disturbances. And here’s how it’s done. The Havening Touch is three simple moves. This video demonstrates more about how it works. The movement is like you are washing your hands, giving yourself a hug (arms crossed and gently stroking from shoulder to elbow), or lightly caressing your face. When you close your eyes and pair the touch (any or all three) with a pleasant thought (it can be a person, place, experience, or even a song), you are letting Amy know, “I’ve got you,” and you’ll likely feel lighter, calmer and more at peace in minutes. If you feel like you need more support with traumas or deeper-rooted upsets that may be holding you back and weighing you down, it’s always best to work with a trusted and trauma-informed practitioner who can facilitate a session and work with you through the process. Havening has the power to turn your traumas into triumphs and help you heal from within. Give yourself the gift of active emotional well-being by putting the healing in your own hands. It’s the Healing, Understanding, and Gratitude that your mind and body need to be kind to the mind. Check out our CTD podcast interview with Hilary for a deeper dive here. Hilary Russo, is The HIListically Speaking® Health Coach. She is one of the first 150 Certified Havening Techniques Practitioners in the United States and 500 in the world of, only 800 worldwide. Hilary studied directly under the developing doctors of Havening, who have called her a “pioneer” in the field working with children, as well as purpose driven C-Suites execs to Metropolitan Opera singers and media professionals in the field of secondary traumatic stress. Trauma informed, her HUG it Out™ program is designed to mirror back what you don’t see in yourself with neuroscience based tools that help you heal from within. She’s also a Certified Integrative Nutrition Holistic Health Coach, certified Hypnotherapist and award-winning multimedia host/journalist and international speaker focusing on health and wellness. Hilary is also a college professor at St John’s University in NYC. Join Hilary’s HUG it Out Collective on Facebook. You can also find Hilary at the mic hosting the successful HIListically Speaking Podcast: empowering conversations of trauma to triumph through health healing and humor. If you’re interested in learning more about Havening, set up a complimentary HUG it Out session today to see if Havening is right for you! Connect with Hilary on all social media at @hilaryrusso.

I have said this before, but the mental challenge of recovery is almost more difficult than the physical. By mid-month two, I started feeling more like a normal human being and less sad about, well, everything. At month three, I ditched my brace completely and am now walking without a limp most of the time. My knee is still quite stiff in the morning, and I have to do my daily PT to warm it up for movement. Getting back on the elliptical machine has been a godsend. I'm close to reaching full knee flexion, and I've been fitted for a functional brace, which I hope to pick up later this week. This new brace is typically used if you're returning to sports (which I'm not), but I will use it for workouts and (hopefully) some hiking with my dogs soon. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I did my first Pilates Reformer class since March! 👊 Challenges between months two and three: Swelling during month 2 continued to inhibit my ability to reach full extension while walking. My Physical therapist implemented something called the Graston Technique, where he used a metal tool to break up the swelling and scar tissue under my patella. It was a game changer, but I wish he'd done it sooner 🤔 The "catching" I was experiencing in the later part of month one into month two was actually my lax quadriceps tendon getting caught between the tibia head and femur head. This is normal, and I don't know why no one mentioned this from the beginning, but my surgeon confirmed this during my three-month post-op visit. This is extremely important to note because though it is prevalent, it can be scary if you don't know that. For a while, I was convinced that it was my meniscus and that I was f*cked. NOPE. As my quad gets stronger, the less it happens, and it should completely resolve in the coming months. What the f*ck is the Popliteus, and why is it important? The Popliteus is a small, thin, flat, triangular-shaped musculotendinous complex of the lower leg with the popliteus muscle and the popliteofibular ligament. It constitutes a part of the posterolateral corner of the knee. It is a deep knee joint muscle forming the popliteus fossa's floor. In Lamen's terms, it's a deep muscle behind the knee. Why is it important? If it's super tight (and yours probably is), you will have difficulty reaching full extension. It wasn't until I got some manual therapy (massage) in the back of the knee and upper calf and started stretching my calf/soleus that I reached full extension while walking. Additionally, when watching TV at night with my legs on my ottoman, I put a 5 lbs weight on my quad to help ease my leg into full extension. Lessons learned: Using a compression sleeve. I have no idea why this wasn't recommended by my doctor or my PT to control swelling. I took it upon myself to purchase one and start wearing it regularly. It was another game-changer. It contained the swelling beneath my patella and lifted my quad, so there was less "catching." If you don't have one, buy one! Trying other PTs. Some people are of the mind that it's important to see the same person over and over again. Respectfully, I disagree. Good physical therapists come from various backgrounds and training and employ different techniques. While physical exercise and strengthening are important, manual therapy is just as necessary. Some PTs are better at running you through mobility and stability exercises, while others have a real intuition and perception of the connective tissue and muscle that needs to be released with touch/massage. This, more often than not, is not the same person. Advocating. It never ends! It's important to be and continue to be self-educated and involved in your recovery. Google has everything you need to know about the knee structure and then some. This understanding, along with trusting your intuition and listening to your body, keeps you safe and asking critical questions about your recovery instead of constantly assuming everyone else knows better. Trust me. That's not always true. You know your body best. This is NOT me telling you to disregard your PT's instructions, but this IS me giving you permission to challenge them. They just might agree with you! Ice, Ice, Baby! I'm still icing. Yup. If you're still swelling, you're still icing. I'm on my feet a lot and finally getting back into doing my normal commute into the city, which = a lot of walking. I keep the compression sleeve on and ice every night before bed. Three - four-month milestones and what to expect: OBJECTIVES Confidence in knee stability Maintain motivation Running Improve aerobic fitness. METHOD Progress proprioception Agility skills, advanced plyometrics, cutting, hopping figure 8s Increase speed/height of step/height of jump gradually as confidence improves. GOAL: Safe to introduce open kinetic chain exercises if indicated You should have good hip and knee control and proprioception, and be free of effusion to initiate running. MILESTONES To be able to hop in a figure of 8 around chairs 3m apart Full knee flexion (130º+) or equivalent to non-affected (not vital – ROM equal to functional needs) Able to perform power-based activities – 3 sets of 10 repetitions squat with weight and correct alignment Perform independent sport-specific exercises.

Certified EFT practitioner Sarah Louise Lilley tells us what it is and why it's great for regulating stress! Stress's profound, negative impact on our bodies has been extensively documented. 🥁Insert dramatic drum roll… Fortunately, there’s a powerful technique called Emotional Freedom Technique (also known as EFT or Tapping) that can help regulate stress. While EFT is commonly used for addressing PTSD, trauma, and phobias, it’s also a tool to alleviate everyday stress. Scientifically proven to lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase DHEA (the recovery hormone.) EFT is a simple and effective tool that only requires using your fingertips! 🖐️ Tap Away Stress: Whether you’ve just experienced a difficult interaction with a family member, are preparing for a challenging work meeting, or are winding down at the end of the day, I encourage you to tap. Tapping enables you to acknowledge and release the stress in your body, preventing its accumulation. A Moment to Pause: Tapping also allows you a valuable moment to pause. During times of stress, blood flow is diverted away from our brains, impairing clear thinking. EFT provides an opportunity to calm the nervous system, allowing cognitive function and creativity to resurface. Doing so allows us to consciously choose how to respond rather than reacting from a triggered or habitual place. Calm the Body, Calm the Mind: Unfortunately, we seldom indulge in positive fantasies. Imagine if we were obsessed with all the good things that might happen! However, particularly when stressed and anxious, it’s easy to fall into negative thought patterns, ruminating about potential future catastrophes. Tapping breaks this cycle, serving as a powerful pattern interrupt. As I frequently tell my clients, the stress isn’t in your head; it's in your body! When you calm the body, the mind follows. A Simple Practice to Calm the Nervous System: If you’re feeling triggered, anxious, or stressed, here’s a simple practice that can help you move from your mind to your body, process stress, and calm your nervous system. Tune into your body. Notice where in your body you feel that stress. Is it in your head, stomach, or solar plexus? You can even put your hand on that part of your body. Does the sensation have a color, texture, size, or shape? Maybe it feels like a lead ball or a swirl of gray fog. Then Tap on the EFT collarbone point, or move through the EFT points as you breathe into that physical sensation. Not forcing anything, but breathing into it as you allow it to shift. Embracing the Power of EFT you hold within your fingertips (literally🤣) the ability to tap away stress, pause, and break free from negative thought patterns. Happy Tapping! ❤️ Sarah Louise Lilley is a certified Emotional Freedom Technique or “Tapping” practitioner. She loves helping people overcome their fears, blocks, and phobias. Sarah is a mentor at EFT Universe, where she teaches and nurtures the next generation of EFT practitioners. A former actor and producer, she is also a mom and an avid equestrian - always counting down the days until she can get back on a horse! Based in NYC, Sarah works with clients worldwide via Zoom. To learn more, you can visit her website here. Listen to her interview dropping July 5th on Circling the Drain Podcast here.