5 Ways to Strengthen Your Resilience When the World Is a Hot Mess

I don't know about you, but I feel like the world has gone INSANE. For the past few weeks (maybe longer), I've been struggling with a deep sense of malaise, asking myself, "Is it the lingering grief of losing my dog (partially for sure), menopause, or just plain ol' run-of-the-mill, clinical depression?"

However, the fact of the matter is that we are living in an era of uncertainty. It feels like war is everywhere, and that more and more of our rights and democracy in general are being chipped away. News headline after news headlines reminds us that NOTHING is okay! Yet we're all supposed to get on with it, go to work, look after the kids, walk the dog, and pretend it's all business as usual.

"Nothing to see here," as if we're not all struggling with overwhelm and existential dread.

This got me thinking about the concept of resilience. How do we keep going when it feels like the world is a hot mess?

Firstly, we have to understand what resilience is and isn't.

What Resilience Is

Resilience is a healthy response to traumatic or stressful events, influencing how we cope with different types of trauma.

That trauma varies among individuals. For some, it could be the loss of a spouse, while for others, it could be the loss of a job. It's all about perception.

Resilience is the process of rebuilding and continuing to live life after difficult times. It focuses on overcoming challenges and managing mental health struggles as they arise.

To put it in a corny, simplistic way, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

What Resilience Is Not

Resilience is about adaptability, as illustrated by Aesop’s fable of the oak tree and the reeds—the strong oak fell in a storm, while the flexible reeds survived.

Unlike grit, which focuses on persistent effort toward a goal, resilience involves knowing when to push forward and when to change direction.

Moreover, resilience is not about toxic positivity, characterized by the tendency to dismiss or downplay negative emotions and experiences, often favoring an overly optimistic perspective. This practice encourages individuals to adopt a "positive" mindset, even when such an outlook is neither suitable nor beneficial. 

Now, how do we go about cultivating resilience?

1. Build a Team

It took me most of my life to realize I didn't have to face difficult things alone, which was like discovering a superpower! Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can share in your humor, align with your values, and have your back when you need them.

According to the American Psychological Association, strong social support makes you 50% more likely to cope with stress—talk about a game changer!

Speaking of games, I have a friend who always described running an imaginary kickball team. As she made friends over the years, people were either on the team or not. If you were on the team, she was your ride-or-die friend, and you were hers.

That was an excellent perspective. We all need to build a team we can rely on!

2. Practice Self-Efficacy

Self-efficacy embodies the deep-rooted confidence and sense of control we possess over our actions and decisions. It reflects our belief in our ability to navigate life's various stressors. This concept highlights how empowered we feel in managing challenges and how motivated we are to take charge of our circumstances and find practical solutions.

I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the true definition of insanity."

You can't control everything around you, but you can control how you navigate and react to the challenges and circumstances in front of you. A great place to start is by setting SMART Goals when you are looking to overcome or change a situation.

3. Be Adaptable and Flexible

Adaptability is modifying our pre-existing beliefs and ideas to align with a new situation. For instance, if your company undergoes an acquisition, you may need to adjust to a completely different way of operating. 

To practice adaptability, step out of your comfort zone regularly. This could be as simple as trying a new recipe or exploring an unfamiliar part of your city. These small acts help make larger life challenges feel less daunting.

Cognitive flexibility, often referred to as cognitive shifting, is the brain's ability to adapt to new, changing, or unexpected events. It involves the capacity to switch from one way of thinking to another, a process commonly known as task switching.

Think about it this way: You shift your body to change direction and move your car into a new lane to avoid danger. Similarly, you can learn to shift your thinking process to become more adaptable to the situation.

An excellent tool for adaptability and flexibility is cognitive reframing.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion nurtures resilience by encouraging us to approach ourselves with kindness and understanding. Rather than harshly criticizing ourselves for our mistakes, we should embrace the idea that errors are a universal human experience. 

It also means giving yourself the time and space to recover from trauma, and sometimes it means giving yourself permission to play hooky or say "no" to something that doesn't serve you!

I always tell clients to talk to themselves like they would their child, best friend or loved one.

5. Focus on the Positives

Positive thinking doesn’t mean ignoring facts or forcing only positive emotions.

Facing negative situations with hope is a powerful approach that can significantly transform our perspective and emotional response during challenging times. This mindset encourages individuals to look beyond immediate crises and difficulties, allowing them to cultivate resilience rather than succumb to feelings of despair or defeat.

When we encounter adverse circumstances, we must acknowledge the negativity we experience; however, this recognition should not lead to a sense of hopelessness. Instead, it catalyzes fostering a deeper understanding of our strengths and capabilities. By trusting in our ability to overcome obstacles, we empower ourselves to navigate challenging times with purpose and determination.

This belief in our resilience is not merely an optimistic outlook; it is grounded in the understanding that negative experiences are often temporary and can lead to personal growth and learning. Each setback can be viewed as an opportunity to develop new skills, gain insights, and ultimately emerge stronger than before.

Moreover, embracing hope allows us to maintain a balanced perspective. It reminds us that while bad news may seem overwhelming at the moment, it does not define our entire existence or dictate our future.

We are not our worst day or worst experience.

Focusing on solutions rather than on the problems themselves is a great way to practice a positive mindset.

Building Your Inner Strength

Practicing resilience is an ongoing journey, especially in a chaotic world.

Remember that resilience does not mean the absence of difficulties; instead, it equips you with the tools to overcome them. Take one step at a time. Before long, you might discover a newfound strength and the ability to thrive, even when the world feels like a hot mess.